Aileen Barratt found herself using dating apps for the first time in 2016, following a split from her husband of almost 10 years. After spending time on them and enduring a few failed “situationships” and countless message exchanges, she noticed patterns in what men said that would play out in how they acted.
She became an expert in translating men’s phrases on dating apps from what they said to what they actually meant. She even wrote a book on the subject, “Tinder Translator: An A-Z of Modern Misogyny.” Here Barratt shares three common tropes to look out for to avoid toxic men on the apps.
- “No photo due to work” - The “Tinder Translator” points out that she’s yet to find an actual career that bans you from posting photos on dating apps, but this phrase is one she’s seen often. Barratt says she once got a message from someone who worked for MI5, the UK’s counter-intelligence and security agency, who told her that some actual spies have their photos on Tinder. So if Joe from accounting claims his job requires anonymity, she recommends being skeptical. So what’s really keeping men from posting their pic in their profile? Many of them are probably in relationships and don’t want to be seen by the friends or family of their other half and caught in the act of cheating.
- “If you’re not going to talk, don’t bother matching me” - Barratt says she’s encountered lots of guys on dating apps who complain about women not speaking and not wanting to meet up. But she says that those who moan about this are “too wrapped in their own bruised egos” to consider what women may want and that, in itself, is a reason not to match them.
- “I seem to attract psychos” - “The way some men tell on themselves often amuses me,” Barratt says. Sure, some of the guys who claim this have probably had bad luck in relationships with difficult women, but this phrase is a red flag. She encourages women to pay close attention to how a potential date talks about their exes and if they blame them all for being the difficult ones while they claim innocence, beware.
Source: Newsweek