Breaking up is never easy and when people throw out hurtful comments, it only gets worse. In the heat of the moment, couples can bring up old fights and say things that cause irreparable damage to the other person. But relationship expert Neil Wilkie says it doesn’t have to be that way. He claims it’s possible to deal with a breakup in a way that’s respectful to both sides, even if they’re upset or angry.
Wilkie says the key is to avoid these words and phrases during the breakup:
- “I hate you”- Even if you feel this way at the time, there were times you loved them and it’s just not helpful to say.
- “You’re useless in bed”- Your love life might not have been great, but it takes two to tango, so don’t hit them below the belt.
- “It’s all your fault”- It’s rare for everything to be 100% the other person’s fault and saying this is sure to ignite a fight.
- “I wish I’d never met you”- But you did and you can’t change it, so why say something so hurtful?
- “Being with you is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made”- It might feel like that, but Wilkie points out that all this is really saying is that you’re not a good decision maker.
- “I’ve found someone much better than you”- This childish comment may feel good to say, but it’s definitely better left unsaid.
And these are some things Wilkie recommends saying instead:
- “I’m sorry that it didn’t work out”
- “What could I have done differently?”
- “What you could have done differently was…”
- “What I really appreciated about you was …”
- “The happy memories I have are …”
- “I hope you have a great future …”