- "DO I HAVE THEIR PHONE NUMBER STORED IN MY PHONE?"
If their contact info is still popping up as "Maybe: Riley" on your phone, that's probably a sign you should maybe not take them to the party. I mean, come on, you can't even commit to storing their name onto your iCloud... shooting them this invite will only give them false hope.
- "DO THEY HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER STORED IN THEIR PHONE?"
Imagine thinking you're at the level where you're ready to choose them over all of the other millions of fish in the sea (or on Tinder) as your date for this event, and getting hit with a "new phone who dis?" message. I'm cringing just thinking about it.
- "CAN I CRAFT THEIR INVITE TEXT WITHOUT CONSULTING MY ENTIRE GROUPME?"
If you're not comfortable enough with this person to trust that they won't leave your “hey u busy friday?” text on read, you’re probably going to be extra uncomfy when your mom, boss, or best friend starts drunkenly interrogating them about their intentions with you one bottle of wine deep at the holiday party.
- "HAVE THEY EVER TAKEN ME ON A REAL DATE?"
Whether it’s your office holiday party or your family’s holiday party, this is a legit event you’re inviting them to. Don’t grace them with this coveted invite if they haven’t even bothered to take you on a legit date. (No, dollar pizza on the way home from the bars does not count as a legit date).
- "IF SO, HAS IT BEEN MORE THAN ONCE?"
Okay, so maybe they took you to a nice dinner once. But has there been any date action since then? Your holiday party is probs not the place to take a virtual stranger for a second date. (Hint: They're cuffing you).
- "HAVE WE SPOKEN WITHIN THE PAST MONTH?"
I respect the attempt to rekindle things with "The One That Got Away," but this person already made it clear they aren’t into you. You really think inviting them to an event with all of your family and friends (who presumably hate them) during the busiest time of year is going to be the way to get them back?
- "HAVE I EVER SEEN THEM OUTSIDE THE HOURS OF MIDNIGHT AND 10 A.M.?"
Your holiday party is not the time to go taking things to the next level with the person you currently have stored in your phone as "Good Lay 🔥."
- "AM I INVITED TO THEIR HOLIDAY PARTY?"
If this trash human has a party and isn’t inviting you to it, why the eff would you treat them to an invite to yours?
- "DO MY FRIENDS AND FAM KNOW THEY EXIST?"
Trying to introduce your S.O. to everyone who’s anyone in your life for the first time at your holiday party will be awkward and overwhelming for both of you. They’ll spend the whole time stressing about making a good impression on everyone, while you stress about whether not everyone hates them.
- "DO THEIR FRIENDS AND FAM KNOW I EXIST?"
If they haven’t even bothered to tell their nearest and dearest that you exist, they don’t deserve to spend an intimate night celebrating the holidays with yours.
- "ARE WE OFFICIAL?"
Spare yourself the awkward "this is my, um…friend?" introductions and only invite people you’re legit officially in a relationship with to your holiday parties.
- "AM I 100 PERCENT SURE THAT THEY KNOW THAT WE'RE OFFICIAL?"
Have you guys actually talked about being official? The last thing you want is to publicly find out the person you’ve been calling your S.O. to all your friends and family actually just thought you guys were casually hooking up.
- "CAN THEY HANDLE THEIR LIQUOR?"
More important than any of the other questions is THIS one. If they can't handle their scotch or beer or wine without embarrassing you, don't shoot them the invite.