Amy Nobile, a New York City based dating coach who charges $10K for four months of services, is sharing some advice for free – her “3-4” rule will save you both time and energy. This rule suggests that by the third date, you should know four key tenets about the prospect you’re dating.
In Nobile’s words, a lot of time people focus just on chemistry and do not think about long-term compatibility. "And then it's six months later or six years later, and the other person pops their head up and says, 'I don't want kids in two years,'" Nobile explains.
The four tenets are chemistry, core values, emotional maturity, and relationship readiness.
- Chemistry: You feel a connection, whether it is physical or intellectual.
- Core Values: This varies based on the person but can include things like career goals, religion, family planning, or any other lifestyle plans and choices that would involve a partner.
- Emotional Maturity: This includes both emotional availability and maturity, such as the ability to articulate feelings about themselves and their relationships.
- Relationship Readiness: Making sure the person at that time is ready for a relationship.
How can you find this out by date three? Discuss career and relationships during the first two dates. Also ask specific questions about their career, passions, the relationship they’re looking for, past relationships and even family and long-term goals. This way, by the third date, you can get into more specifics, like family and dealbreakers.
Yes, it can be intimidating, but according to Nobile and her clients, it works!