Feeling like your ex is now living their best life post-breakup and that you “lost” the breakup? If you’re stalking their Instagram, it might look that way. But the hot girls and cool events are all part of a carefully cultivated story they’re putting out there to make it look like they’re having the time of their life. You’re torturing yourself by looking, but we all do it. In fact, a recent Squarespace survey finds that 20% of Americans look up their exes online at least once a week!
But if you really want to “win” the breakup, relationship expert and psychotherapist Dr. Jenn Mann says it starts with taking the focus off your ex, then following these simple steps.
- Avoid ALL contact- It won’t be easy, but the most important step at this point is letting go completely. Yes, even if your ex is your BFF or you share a dog or their medicine is at your house, to really heal, you need to go no contact.
- Don’t compare your insides to their outsides- Stop checking social media because all you’ll see are superficial photos that look like a lot of fun, but don’t tell you what’s going on emotionally.
- Stop running from the pain- Acting out with food, sex, drugs or alcohol keeps you from feeling the pain, which isn’t easy, but the sooner you do it, the sooner you get over it.
- Have a glow-up- Get devoted to self-care with a good skincare regimen, a form of exercise you enjoy, a little sun and maybe some meditation.
- Forgive yourself- Stop beating yourself up because that only keeps you stuck.
- Take a self-inventory- It’s time to take a look at what you could’ve done better or how you contributed to the unhealthy parts of the relationship, otherwise you’re more likely to do the same stuff in the future.
- Let go of your anger- You don’t have to forgive your ex, but holding onto the anger will only hurt you. Letting it go frees you up to move on.
- Find yourself- Get to know yourself and pursue the things that you’re passionate about. And learn from your mistakes because Dr. Mann says the only time we lose the breakup game is when we don’t learn from our relationships.